Move Aside, Groundhog: Magpie Day Predicts Transit Incidents and Usefulness in Edmonton (Satire/Comedy Article)
“Well, the little furball just had to ruin everything, didn’t he?” -Unknown Expert Testimony
Groundhog day is an annual tradition that takes place in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania on February 2nd. On this day, the titular groundhog Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his den and determines if we will be free from the shackles of winter sooner or later. If Phil has no shadow, we will rejoice in an early spring season. If he sees his shadow and retreats back into his hidey-hole, however, we will have to brace ourselves for another six weeks of icy streets, muddy beats and sleety sheets. And what do you know, we’re getting another six weeks in 2026. (Editor’s Note: I don’t like you, Phil.)
Amid ongoing controversy regarding Punxsutawney Phil’s questionable marital status, Canada’s more dashing groundhog, Wiarton Willie, has contradicted Phil’s prediction. Diss tracks incoming? Either way, these two hairy earth dwellers are going to have to move aside for a much more interesting and important clairvoyant animal: A special magpie, now honoured with the name Edmonton Earl, has been discovered residing in Edmonton, Alberta’s Emily Murphy Park. Instead of predicting weather patterns, this brazen bird predicts the incidents and effectiveness of public transit within Edmonton for the upcoming year every February 20th, now dubbed “Magpie Day”. His exact indicators are still being determined, however a working theory has been established:
If Earl relieves himself on exactly three parked vehicles within the span of 24 hours, transit in Edmonton will be more timely, efficient and smooth running. If Earl does not reach this three car goal, or enters into a turf war with a rival gang of corvids on this day, transit users will be in for many transit woes. Below are a few instances where Earl's predictions were proven correct (allegedly):
In 2018, Earl only managed to target one car and was chased out of his poplar tree by a cell of ravens. In May of this year, signalling issues caused Metro Line LRT trains to route onto the same track, narrowly avoiding multiple head-on collisions and causing system-wide delays.
In 2023, Earl met his goal with no disturbances. Later this year, and after many construction delays and cracked pillars, the Valley Line Southeast LRT was able to begin operations on November 4th, improving service coverage and efficiency city-wide.
2025 was contentious as, while Earl did successfully drop payloads on three road vehicles, one happened to be an abandoned lime scooter in the park’s bushes. While ETS did manage to implement 50,000 new bus service hours and 20 new buses, 20 Valley Line LRT trains were involved in collisions with road vehicles by the end of September.
With 2026’s Magpie Day approaching soon, transit riders are waiting in anticipation to learn if their commutes will improve without incident in the upcoming year. A day-long watch party hosted by GAPSS is planned in Emily Murphy Park on February 20th, complete with a campsite, light refreshments, a set of binoculars and complimentary umbrellas. Please see our MySpace page for more details.
Written by GAPSS member Luka Zvonkovic. Cover photo courtesy of Groundhog.org and The Philadelphia Inquirer.
Additional Sources:
Valley Line LRT Crashes https://edmontonjournal.com/news/local-news/20-crashes-edmonton-valley-line-southeast-lrt
Metro line lrt on same track: https://globalnews.ca/news/4188597/edmonton-metro-line-lrt-thales-trains-wrong-track/
Valley Line opening: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valley_Line_(Edmonton)#:~:text=The%20Valley%20Line%20is%20a,to%20be%20completed%20in%202028.
Cover Photo Source: https://www.featheredphotography.com/blog/2022/04/17/black-billed-magpie-an-interesting-flight-maneuver/